Bereavement

Grief After Bereavement or Loss

Most people who lose somebody close to them experience grief and it can affect people very differently. If you find you are struggling and needing support or guidance, please remember that we are here for you and we can arrange a consultation with one of our GP’s.

How you might feel when dealing with Bereavement, Grief and Loss

Bereavement, grief and loss can cause many different symptoms and they affect people in different ways. It’s good to remember there’s no right or wrong way to feel.

Some of the most common symptoms include:

  • shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to loss, and people often talk about “being in a daze”
  • overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
  • tiredness or exhaustion
  • anger – towards the person you’ve lost or the reason for your loss
  • guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or did not say, or not being able to stop your loved one dying

These feelings may not be there all the time and powerful feelings may appear unexpectedly. It’s not always easy to recognise when bereavement, grief or loss are the reason you’re acting or feeling differently.

Experts generally accept that we go through 4 stages of bereavement or grief:

  • 1. Accepting that your loss is real
  • 2. Experiencing the pain of grief
  • 3. Adjusting to life without the person or thing you have lost
  • 4. Putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new

Most people go through all these stages, but you will not necessarily move smoothly from one to the next. Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense over time.

Further Information and Support

You can find further information and support about:

Where else to turn to for Support during the Grieving process

Cruse Bereavement Care

Offer somewhere to turn when someone dies offering telephone, email, and face-to-face and group support. If someone you know has died and you need to talk, call 0808 808 1677 Mon and Fri, 09:30–17:00 (excluding Bank Holidays); Tue–Thu, 09:30–20:00. www.cruse.org.uk.

The Good Grief Trust

Provide free advice on how to deal with bereavement and where to get support, as well as specific support if someone has died due to coronavirus. Use the online directory to search for bereavement services and support groups in your area, thegoodgrieftrust.org, 0800 2600 400, Mon-Fri 08:00-20:00.

Macmillan Cancer Support

One of the UK’s largest charities, which provides specialist health care, information and financial support for people affected by cancer, macmillan.org.uk, 0808 808 0000, Mon–Fri, 09:00–20:00

Age UK

Age UK an be contacted for emotional support and advice about financial support and practicalities after a death, ageuk.org.uk, 0116 299 2278, all days, 08:00-19:00.

The Citizens Advice Bureau

Offer financial advice as well as directing you to local charities which may be able to help, citizensadvice.org.uk, 0300 3309 047, Mon-Fri, 10:00-17:00.

Things you can try to help with Bereavement, Grief and Loss

Do

  • Talk about your feelings to a friend, family member, health professional or counsellor.
  • Talk to a GP about how to get to sleep if you’re struggling to sleep.
  • Consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other. Find out more about peer support on the Mind website, or by calling them on 0300 123 3393.
  • Search and download relaxation and mindfulness apps or online community apps from the NHS Apps library (Mindfulness – NHS (www.nhs.uk)). A good example of a mindfulness app is Headspace.
  • Contact any one of the charities or organisations listed above, who can offer emotional support.

Don’t

  • Do not try to do everything at once – set small targets that you can easily achieve.
  • Do not focus on the things you cannot change – focus your time and energy into helping yourself feel better.
  • Try not to tell yourself that you’re alone – most people feel grief after a loss and support is available.
  • Try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve grief – these can all contribute to poor mental health.

Funeral Arrangements

In the unfortunate event that a person has passed away, there are three things that must be done in the first few days:

  • Get a medical certificate from your GP or hospital doctor (this is necessary to register the death)
  • Register the death within 5 days. You will then receive the necessary documents for the funeral
  • Make the necessary funeral arrangements

Arranging the funeral

The funeral can usually only take place after the death is registered. Most people use a funeral director, though you can arrange a funeral yourself: What to do after someone dies: Arrange the funeral – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Funeral directors

Choose a funeral director who is a member of one of the following Home – National Association of Funeral Directors (nafd.org.uk) These organisations have codes of practice – they must give you a price list when asked.

Some local councils run their own funeral services, for example for non-religious burials. The British Humanist Association can also help with non-religious funerals.

Funeral costs

Funeral costs can include:

  • Funeral director fees
  • Things the funeral director pays for on your behalf (called ‘disbursements’ or ‘third-party costs’), for example, crematorium or cemetery fees, or a newspaper announcement about the death
  • Local authority burial or cremation fees

Funeral directors may list all these costs in their quotes. You can Get help with funeral costs (Funeral Expenses Payment): How it works – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk), Get help with funeral costs (Funeral Expenses Payment): How it works – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk), Support for child funeral costs (Children’s Funeral Fund for England): What it does – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)