Bereavement and Grief Support

Bereavement, grief, and loss can cause many different symptoms and they affect people in different ways. It’s good to remember there’s no right or wrong way to feel.

Some of the most common symptoms include:

– Shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to loss, and people often talk about “being in a daze”
– Overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
– Tiredness or exhaustion
– Anger towards the person you’ve lost, or the reason for your loss
– Guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or did not say, or not being able to stop your loved one dying

These feelings may not be there all the time and powerful feelings may appear unexpectedly. It’s not always easy to recognise when bereavement, grief or loss are the reason you’re acting or feeling differently.

Experts generally accept that we go through 4 stages of bereavement or grief:
1. Accepting that your loss is real
2. Experiencing the pain of grief
3. Adjusting to life without the person or thing you have lost
4. Putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new

Most people go through all these stages, but you will not necessarily move smoothly from one to the next. Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense over time.

Do
– Talk about your feelings to a friend, family member, health professional or counsellor.
– Talk to a GP about how to get to sleep if you’re struggling to sleep.
– Consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other. Find out more about peer support on the Mind website, or by calling them on 0300 123 3393.
– Search and download relaxation and mindfulness apps or online community apps from the NHS Apps library (Mindfulness – NHS (www.nhs.uk)). A good example of a mindfulness app is Headspace.
– Contact any one of the charities or organisations listed above, who can offer emotional support.

Don’t
– Do not try to do everything at once – set small targets that you can easily achieve.
– Do not focus on the things you cannot change – focus your time and energy into helping yourself feel better.
– Try not to tell yourself that you’re alone – most people feel grief after a loss and support is available.
– Try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve grief – these can all contribute to poor mental health.

In the unfortunate event that a person has passed away, there are three things that must be done in the first few days:
– Get a medical certificate from your GP or hospital doctor (this is necessary to register the death)
– Register the death within 5 days. You will then receive the necessary documents for the funeral
– Make the necessary funeral arrangements

Arranging the funeral

The funeral can usually only take place after the death is registered. Most people use a funeral director, though you can arrange a funeral yourself: What to do after someone dies: Arrange the funeral – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Funeral directors

Choose a funeral director who is a member of one of the following Home – National Association of Funeral Directors (nafd.org.uk) These organisations have codes of practice – they must give you a price list when asked.
Some local councils run their own funeral services, for example for non-religious burials. The British Humanist Association can also help with non-religious funerals.

Funeral costs

Funeral costs can include:

– Funeral director fees
– Things the funeral director pays for on your behalf (called ‘disbursements’ or ‘third-party costs’), for example, crematorium or cemetery fees, or a newspaper announcement about the death
– Local authority burial or cremation fees

Funeral directors may list all these costs in their quotes.

You can Get help with funeral costs (Funeral Expenses Payment): How it works – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk) 

Get help with funeral costs (Funeral Expenses Payment): How it works – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Support for child funeral costs (Children’s Funeral Fund for England): What it does – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)